The Psychological Truth Behind 'Mumsplaining'
If you find yourself offering an elaborate explanation about how home life is affecting your work, 'Mumsplaining'. But what exactly is mumsplaining, and why do we feel the need to justify our personal responsibilities in the professional environment? More importantly, how can we reframe this behaviour through a more inclusive lens, recognising that it’s not just mothers who face these challenges, but fathers and caregivers of all kinds?
What is Mumsplaining?
'Mumsplaining' is the tendency to over-explain the impact of home responsibilities—often child-related—on work commitments. For instance, if you're working from home because of a sick child or a school event, you might feel the need to provide a detailed explanation of why this situation arose. While this behaviour might seem harmless or even polite, it often reflects deeper psychological and societal expectations that mothers, in particular, face.
Research in psychology and gender studies sheds light on why women tend to engage in this behaviour more than men. Studies show that working mothers are often subject to the "maternal wall" bias—an assumption that they are less committed to their careers due to family obligations. This bias can lead to feelings of guilt, anxiety, and a desire to over-justify how home life intersects with professional responsibilities, in an attempt to reaffirm their commitment to their workplace. In many cases, women are generalised to be more accommodating and nurturing, which further drives the impulse to explain.
Reframing the Conversation: Home Responsibilities as Work Responsibilities
One way to break free from mumsplaining is to reframe how we think about home interruptions. Instead of viewing family obligations as distractions from work, it may be more helpful to see them as another form of work prioritisation. For example, if you need to attend to a child during the day, think of this as an essential task, just like responding to a client or prepping for a presentation.
By shifting the narrative, you might find that you approach these conversations with more confidence and less need to justify.
For example:
"As I'm going to be dialling into the meeting remotely, could we start it a few minutes early so I can ensure a smooth connection?"
Notice the difference: there's no lengthy explanation about why you're working from home that day, just a straightforward request. If your manager doesn't need to know the details of your home life, why over-explain?
The pressure of perfectionism
Another reason why women may feel the need to mumsplain is linked to perfectionism—the internal pressure to appear as though they have everything under control, both at home and at work. Perfectionism disproportionately affects women, and studies have shown that it contributes to burnout, anxiety, and lowered confidence . When women feel that they need to meet unattainable standards in both areas of their lives, they may turn to over-explaining as a coping mechanism.
Mumsplaining doesn't discriminate: dads and caregivers feel it too
While mumsplaining might predominantly affect mothers, it's essential to acknowledge that fathers and other caregivers face similar challenges. Many fathers, particularly those who are primary caregivers, also encounter bias in the workplace when their personal responsibilities interfere with professional ones. However, societal norms around masculinity often discourage men from expressing vulnerability or explaining themselves in the same way.
A more inclusive approach to addressing 'mumsplaining' is to recognise that caregiving is not a gendered issue. Fathers, partners, and even individuals without children who have other caregiving responsibilities (such as caring for elderly parents) may feel the same need to justify their absences or home-based work. By creating a workplace culture that normalises family or caregiving interruptions as a universal challenge, we can dismantle the biases that drive over-explanation.
For example, instead of thinking about it as a mother issue, consider the term 'caregiversplaining'—a more inclusive term that captures the pressures faced by all caregivers. Encouraging open dialogue around these issues and providing flexible work options for everyone—regardless of gender—helps promote equity and reduces the stigma around home-life conflicts.
For leadership: changing work culture for everyone
From a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) perspective, it’s critical for workplaces to foster environments where employees feel safe bringing their full selves to work, including their responsibilities outside the office. When managers and colleagues are trained to understand the diverse needs of their employees, it becomes easier for everyone to feel comfortable managing their home and work lives without over-explaining or feeling judged.
Practical steps to foster this include:
Normalising flexibility: Ensure that flexible working arrangements are available to all employees, regardless of gender or caregiving status. This reduces the pressure on individuals to feel like they need to explain or justify their circumstances.
Training managers on biases: Help leadership recognise and address biases like the maternal wall or assumptions about fathers being “less involved” at home, so that these pressures are lifted off employees.
Open conversations: Encourage an open dialogue about caregiving responsibilities so that both men and women can feel supported in managing their work and home lives.
In summary, by reframing how we view home/work conflicts and fostering a more inclusive work culture, we can move towards a more equitable environment where everyone feels empowered to prioritise their responsibilities—without feeling the need to justify or over-explain.
References
Williams, J. C., & Segal, N. (2003). "Beyond the Maternal Wall: Relief for Family Caregivers Who Are Discriminated Against on the Job." Harvard Women's Law Journal.