Supporting Working Parents: Leading with empathy, instead of assumptions
"Have you ever caught yourself thinking, ‘I know exactly what they’re going through’ - only to realize later that, maybe, you didn’t?"
Supporting working parents - whether as a leader, coach, or colleague - comes with challenges. The temptation to over-identify, share personal regrets, or even question your ability to help if you're not a parent yourself can get in the way of truly effective guidance. Let’s unpack three common coaching pitfalls and how to navigate them with empathy and impact.
1. The Trap of Over-Identification
When you've been a working parent yourself, it’s easy to assume your challenges mirror those of the person you’re supporting. Maybe you struggled with work-life balance, or perhaps you thrived in high-pressure environments. Either way, your experience is just that - yours.
Instead of assuming, ask open-ended questions:
"What’s been the biggest challenge for you lately?"
"What’s one thing that’s working well?"
The best support comes not from sharing what worked for you but from helping them discover what will work for them.
A 2023 report by Working Families highlighted that only 29% of working parents on lower incomes had access to enhanced parental leave and pay entitlements from their employers. This lack of support often forces parents to make difficult choices between career progression and family time, a scenario that may differ significantly from past experiences. Working Families
2. The Burden of Regret
Parents with older children often feel the urge to advise: “They’re only little once - make the most of it.” While well-intended, this advice can sometimes feel more like guilt-tripping than encouragement.
The reality? Every parent must balance work and family differently. Instead of framing past regrets as universal truths, focus on empowering choice:
"How do you want to show up for your family and your career?"
"What support would help you feel more in control?"
Encouragement is far more effective than pressure.
Imparting well-meaning advice based on personal regrets can inadvertently add pressure to new parents. Research indicates that financial concerns heavily influence parental leave decisions. Seven out of ten mothers and eight out of ten fathers without access to enhanced leave reported taking less leave than needed due to financial constraints. This underscores the importance of supporting parents in making choices that align with their unique circumstances without added guilt. Working Families
3. “Do I Have the Right?”—Coaching as a Non-Parent
Many non-parents hesitate to coach working parents, feeling unqualified to offer guidance. But coaching isn’t about having the same experience - it’s about listening, asking insightful questions, and providing perspective.
Think of all the times you've coached someone with a different background - different industries, career paths, or seniority levels. Parenting is another unique experience, but that doesn’t make your guidance any less valuable.
Try reframing self-doubt with confidence:
"I may not have been in your shoes, but I want to understand what support looks like for you."
"Let’s explore what solutions feel right for you."
Research from the WISE Campaign emphasized that coaching and mentoring significantly aids new mothers in reintegrating into the workplace, with over four in five respondents expressing willingness to participate if such support were offered. So whether or not you are a working parent or not, your support is invaluable. Wise Campaign
Final Thought: Meet Them Where They Are
Coaching working parents isn’t about giving the ‘right’ advice - it’s about seeing the person in front of you and meeting them where they are. Whether you’ve been in their shoes or not, your role is to offer insight, not instruction; support, not judgment.
By shifting from assumption to curiosity, from pressure to empowerment, and from self-doubt to confidence, you create an environment where working parents can thrive - on their terms.
